the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
