I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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