I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
