Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
