she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
