if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
