I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
