She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
