she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
