when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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