dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
