She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
