i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
