All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
