I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
