she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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