ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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