Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize