Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
