That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
