Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
