I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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