Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
