she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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