HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
