sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sext me about skeletons
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
