We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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