I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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