I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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