Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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