i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
