was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
