I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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