terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i've created a new STD.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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