day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
