she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Panties = found
Randomize
