dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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