So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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