in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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