I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
