yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
