If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Send help, water and tortillas.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
