apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
