Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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