remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
