You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
