please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
