You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize