I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
