you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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