four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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