I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
