morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
