So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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