The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
