no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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