i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
