oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
