she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
