Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
