Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize