Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
