Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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