we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
