Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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