We're facebook friends in real life
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
