this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Drake has all the answers
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
