watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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