So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
