Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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