sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
