I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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