that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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