Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize