Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
