apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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