I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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