Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
