Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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