how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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