my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
