Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
