Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
