I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
