Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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