Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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