It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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