Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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