how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish you could order shots online.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
