wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
