I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
