Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
